But writing about my feelings and thoughts, what I'm going through now no matter the situation, is therapeutic and healing. There is a subtle lie that many Christians, especially myself, tend to believe: to have self-worth means to always be strong and have it all together. Especially when you're in full-time ministry! But I am learning that this is not the case. It is a hard lesson I am learning - that to be strong means to be weak and broken. Because only then - when we realize finally our need due to our weakness - will we be strong in the Lord, if we let him into our lives.
What comforts me in these dark times, these times in the "valley of the shadow of death", are the Psalms of the Bible. I love how God honored people who failed, people who were always making mistakes and sinning - even when their hearts were for him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I believe God loves sin. But the fact that all the famous people of the Bible all had some serious personality defect or sin problem gives me hope that I can still be used by God and that I am still, and always will be, precious in His sight.
Here is a Psalm, of the sons of Korah, that I have been meditating on recently which comforts me in my "valley times". I hope you may find some encouragement, too, as you see how real and honest the psalmist was with God:
"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
'Where is your God?'....(v.1-3)
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why do disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God... (v. 5)
My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan... (v.6)
...Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me. (v. 7)
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me --
a prayer to the God of my life... (v. 8)
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why do disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God." (v. 11)
Despite the weight of my feelings, despite how much I may feel hopeless, God is still my Savior and my God. He "directs his love" to me. Moreover, he doesn't let me hang there in despair, but he affirms his authority and sovereignty over me and my life ("all your waves and breakers have swept over me"). My feelings and emotions may be strong and overwhelming to me, but God always has the last word. And he remains loving and tender through it all ("at night his song is with me"). He is my only source of hope. I hope, dear reader and friend, that you find hope in Him, too, should you be feeling "downcast" as the psalmist here did!
The verses above came from the Today's NIV (New International Version). For a pretty neat translation of the Psalm I quoted above, read the Message version which words it in more modern-day language: The Message translation of Psalm 42
The part of the psalm where the writer asks himself why he is "downcast" goes like this in the Message translation:
"Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God."
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He's my God."
May my God and your God put a smile on your face today as you fix your eyes on Him.
